Dumb things you do

[Michael]

Sigh. Not even the slightest idea on where to start. However, trust me much like most the a fore mentioned follies, they included either or in some combination of, but not limited to, alcohol, cars/trucks, firearms, fire, fireworks, matches, ammunition, gunpowder, gas, propane, melted lead, water, electricity, livestock, and women.

Keith's post reminds me on the time I had a maybe 10-12 firecrackers where the fuse did not burn completely down, just leaving a small stub sticking out. I arranged them in a circle with all of the fuses pointing inward, akin to a large " * ", and in my infinite wisdom poured enough BP in the middle of them to cover all of the fuses and a powder trail leading out of the circle several inches. Keep in mind that my wife is watching all of this. Idiot me lights the match, touches it to the end of the powder trail, and yes whoosh. I did keep my eyebrows and hair, not without some singeing though. My loving wife, once agian wondering how I ever managed to reach adulthood shared with me that there I was me bent over, enveloped by a cloud of smoke, fire crackers going off, and all she could see was my butt sticking out.

 

[JonB]

When my buddy and I started shooting muzzle loaders (1990 maybe? so yeah, I was a young adult), I didn't really have a good understanding of BP. One night, after we were shooting, we had a bonfire at my buddy's farm. Now my buddy is a good bit older than me, and a safety freak...just so you know, a safety freak isn't really a freak, unless the one labeling him that is a reckless idiot, LOL.
.
The bonfire got down to nice red coals. My buddy goes into the house, to get marshmallows or something? So, for some reason, I wondered if BP could burn without flame, by just getting it hot. So I take a aluminum popcan (no alcohol is ever consumed at my buddies farm), I put the can upside down on the red coals, and put about a dozen kernels of Goex 2F on the popcan.
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Before I can say Rumpelstiltski... BOOM! and there was sparks and thin aluminum shrapnel flying in every direction. My face was pretty close to that popcan, cuz I wanted to see if it would burn or not (and it was evening and dark out), it's amazing I didn't get burned or sliced up or worse, in the eye. My buddy was just walking up on the whole situation as it happened. Boy was he pissed. I got a lecture like you couldn't believe. In the morning, we found a few shrapnel pieces some 50 feet away.

 

[BudHyett]

I'll not disclose the name involved but there was an incident in the early 1960's that needs attention. The person involved was a photographer who was firearms dealer as a second job. He specialized in higher cost firearms, especially Weatherby and European shotguns.

Each Fourth of July, he had a barbecue for his customers at his home. His home was on the bluff of the Rock River in Illinois just above where this river joins the Mississippi. The festivities involved lots of barbecue, potato salad, beer and shooting his Civil War 12-pound Napoleon cannon with blank charges. With the cannon slightly angled, the boom would bounce off the far ridge, bounce back four more times and disappear down the Mississippi. Great fun.

The deal was you brought your own black powder and could shoot all you wanted to. They used newspaper for wadding. One day they ran out of wadding and decided to use aluminum foil as they had plenty of that. The first shot with the aluminum foil produced a tremendous flash and roar, the breech had separated from cannon. The aluminum foil bridged and formed a barrier that did not move.

Fortunately no one was injured by the flying shrapnel. The cannon breech traveled back through the picture window of the house, across the living room through the couch, through the next wall, through the China cabinet with his wife's heirloom Royal Dalton China, and stopped in the refrigerator.

Needless to say, the barbecue was over. And he spent the weekends of the rest of the year at every flea market within three hours drive buying pieces of Royal Dalton China.

 

[Rick H]

The very first day I bought my motorcycle, a Bultaco 250 Metralla, I had to head to the local Big Boy restaurant to show off my new ride. I had ridden a friends 160 Honda and a couple of smaller 50cc bikes before but this was my very first day on my very own motorcycle. Talking with the guys in the parking lot, striking the proper pose of "Oh so Cool" next to the gleaming black and silver machine one of my buddies asked if it would do a wheelie. Of course it would!!!! Have to keep up the cool bit you know.

I had never ever done a wheelie, but at least I knew what they were. Demonstrating my prowess I straddled the bike with both feet on the ground, revved the engine, turned my head sideways to grin at my buddies as I popped the clutch and rolled on the throttle. Geeeeze things happened fast.....that little Spanish rocket stood up straight on its hind wheel with me running behind it, unable to let go of the throttle without letting go of the bike.....each one of my steps lengthening to 15' strides as the damn thing kept accelerating......no way I was letting go.....first day......the brand new license on the bracket gleaming like a cleaver poised to castrate me if the damn bike ever settled down on two wheels. Mercifully a parking curb interrupted this trip or I might still be running down the highway, screaming like a little girl hanging on for dear life to that eunuch maker.

The upshot of the whole mess: The bike was no worse for wear, the only thing injured was my pride. To this very day my "Buddies" will laugh and say...."Hey Rick, do you remember the day you got your Bike?" As we drive by the place. We all have our claim to fame. Evidently, I became a legend on that evening. I really wish they would tear that old building down.

 

[dale2242]

Since I am an Old Guy, mine happened back in the early 50s.
Mom had a gas range without a pilot light.
Meaning that you had to light it by hand each time.
I went to the kitchen to light the oven with only one match.
I turned the gas on and tried to light the match. No dice.
I failed to turn the gas off as I went in search of more matches.
You guessed it.
There was quite a gas buildup in the oven by the time I got back.
When I lit the match there was huge fireball that tossed me across the kitchen.
The only damage was singed eye brows and hair.
And a very scared child.

 

[fiver]

LOL... but did you get the stove lit?

my Dad is somewhat accident prone, pretty unlucky in general, and still acts like a kid.
like that time he was playing with a Roman candle and [i don't know exactly what happened i wasn't there] all i know is when i got home 2 minutes later his shirt was on fire the candle was still shooting poof balls down the lawn and he was dancing around hitting himself.

he still can't have his wrist rocket, which is not sayin much since Mom still has mine hid somewhere too.
the new and improved safety type fire works had just come out and we were experimenting with things trying to get a little bit of cool back in the junk.
we found that if you double wrapped tape around these things called crackle balls they were actually pretty cool, and if you launched them in the air with a sling shot they were even cooler.
however if you stood in the street and shot each other with from about 150 foot apart that was NOT cool with her.

later that same day [4th of July of course] my little brother found the old box of leftover fireworks many of them went back to the 60's and dad had hauled them around from place to place and just kept on throwing odds and ends in the box.
so there was a good 30 sum years of stuff that'd been rolling around in there dumping their contents out.
nuthin cool like sky type launched stuff, just little things like wizzers, Bee's and sparklers.

about 11pm we decide to just dump the whole thing in a pile [about 2' around and 7-8"s high] and run a line of powder to it thinking [or not] most of it would just zoom sparkle and wizz, or sit there and fizzle giving us a pretty good light show........ uhhh nope.
we blew a 6" deep crater in the asphalt [all the way down into the road base] and cracked 3 windows knocking one out of it's frame,, along with breaking 6-7 of the neighbors windows across the front, and one side of their house.
the concussion knocked my sisters husband to the ground since he was the one lighting it off, and tossed the empty lawn chairs 40' away about 20 foot end over end, and it launched all sorts of fiery sputtering bits of cardboard and sparkler wires a good 40-50' in the air.
that one cost us some money.

 

[Michael]

oops.....

 

[Cadillac Jeff]

Dang Fiver you win !


Mine is,
Back in early 90s we still live in Indiana, on in the country I cut & trimmed trees as a side job & had a pit dug in the back barn lot about 20x20 10 or 12 ft deep that I dumped & burned the brush in, I started it with used oil with some small 5 min. Flares my father inlaw gave me..... well was out of used oil but had plenty saw gas right for some reason I figured about a gallon was plenty....

Man I can still see that flare in slow motion.....

The ground shook with a Kaboom,had a 50 ft mushroom cloud &flame to match......
The folks down the road even called to see if everything was okay......

Note to self.......that was a little rich on the gas !

 

[Rick H]

Speaking of gasoline and fires. One year at hunting camp.....sitting at the dinner table one of the guys asked if we saw anything different about him. After some scrutiny we observed that he had no eyebrows, lashes and most of the hair in front was gone. There had to be a story for that.

It seems that after a wonderful dinner of venison taco's the night before, Duane came down with a case of Montezuma's revenge while in his hunting blind. As quick as he was getting out of the blind and out of his hunting gear he wasn't quick enough. His words: "a disgusting mess". So Duane stripped down right in the woods, packed away his clean clothes in the blind while the befouled ones were held at arms length in front of him.....he marched, wearing only his hat socks and hunting boots.....back to the cabin. He dumped his clothes in the burn barrel, poured a goodly amount of gasoline over the mess and tossed a match into the barrel from some distance. When nothing happened he peered into the barrel to see what was wrong just as the whole barrel full of ashes and awful smelling clothes erupted....burning off most said facial hair and plastering him with a sticky matted mess of wood ash and what remained of the previous nights dinner.

He spent the rest of the day under the hand pump in the yard (no running water) scrubbing himself from head to foot.

He said he thought about not telling us, but after getting cleaned up and feeling better thought it would be a crime if it happened to one of us and we didn't let him know. Duane has passed on now. I miss him. He is remembered fondly, especially after dinner while sipping a bourbon telling stories, lies, and laughing together.

 

[Bret4207]

Duane wins!

 

[fiver]

poor Duane... LOL.

 

[Michael]

 

[oscarflytyer]

OMG! Took me 30 min to get from Bret's first post to this point - SO FAR! I haven't laughed/cried/damned near pissed myself like this in YEARS! I thought Bret was the 'winner' a page and a half ago - but... Have decided that there are no 'winners' per say - only, as a very dear old friend and I had a conversation last night, a LOT of guys damned lucky to 1) still be alive, and 2) not be seriously maimed or permanently injured! This has to be one of the best threads/things I have read, and friends have shared in a VERY long time! I needed this!

PLEASE keep them coming! I can use all the entertainment value and humor I can get these days!

 

[Tom]

OMG! Took me 30 min to get from Bret's first post to this point - SO FAR! I haven't laughed/cried/damned near pissed myself like this in YEARS! I thought Bret was the 'winner' a page and a half ago - but... Have decided that there are no 'winners' per say - only, as a very dear old friend and I had a conversation last night, a LOT of guys damned lucky to 1) still be alive, and 2) not be seriously maimed or permanently injured! This has to be one of the best threads/things I have read, and friends have shared in a VERY long time! I needed this!

PLEASE keep them coming! I can use all the entertainment value and humor I can get these days!

To me, this thread let's me know that my dumb shat doesn't make me the only one who's poor judgment makes me stand out as the only idiot here.
When we learned how to make hydrogen gas was another interesting story. David (Lutheran pastor's son) and I filled a glass 5 gallon carboy with it and ignited it in the rectory. Blew out the windows and fluorescent lights. I think we were about 12 at the time.
Then there was the time Rick and I tried putting firecrackers in the gas tank filler of a pickup truck. I think we were about 5 at the time.
My fascination with things that go boom was such that when Daryl tragically died blowing up one of the storage tanks at the refinery, everybody thought it was me. Nope, not me, that time.

 

[Tom]

Maybe I should stop at some point, but we used to play war complete with foxholes dug into the riverbanks. A blasting cap in an earthen grenade yielded my worst butt kicking ever. He was pissed.

 

[todd]

we used to have rock battles as a kid. you would pick up a rock and throw it at another kid. unfortunately, this was NOT parent approved. dodging, throwing, dodging, throwing...mixed with laughter and insults, everybody (except parents), had good time. until somebody catches a rock with their head. i have been one who catches a rock in my head. i spilt alot of blood being the catcher, but other kids would catch them too. when you have caught the rock it would be the end the day. mostly because the catchee would scream or cry or both for their mommy and then the fun begins!!! you never seen kids that would bail out on the rock battle, running through backyards and alleys, it would behoove you if you were caught at rock battle. i was only caught once and i still remember Dad's (RIP) belt being introduced to my backside. then at the age 8 or 9 yo, there were BB gun wars, also not parent approved. i'm surprised that they and i have knocked a eye out.

 

[Mitty38]

we used to have rock battles as a kid. you would pick up a rock and throw it at another kid. unfortunately, this was NOT parent approved. dodging, throwing, dodging, throwing...mixed with laughter and insults, everybody (except parents), had good time. until somebody catches a rock with their head. i have been one who catches a rock in my head. i spilt alot of blood being the catcher, but other kids would catch them too. when you have caught the rock it would be the end the day. mostly because the catchee would scream or cry or both for their mommy and then the fun begins!!! you never seen kids that would bail out on the rock battle, running through backyards and alleys, it would behoove you if you were caught at rock battle. i was only caught once and i still remember Dad's (RIP) belt being introduced to my backside. then at the age 8 or 9 yo, there were BB gun wars, also not parent approved. i'm surprised that they and i have knocked a eye out.

For us it was crab apples and bottle rockets.

 

[Michael]

Match fights using strike anywhere matches and reworked clothes pins.

 

[obssd1958]

Rocks, dirt clods (with the occasional rock included), and BB gun fights. We wouldn't let our older cousin, who had purchased a Crosman pump pellet/bb gun, pump his up more than 2 times. And he had to use BB's - no pellets!!
We also shot arrows straight up in the air and stood in place to see who was chicken, and shot flaming arrows at cars on the freeway after having thrown a bunch of Malatov cocktails out there. That one was costly...

 

[popper]

OK I'll admit ONE. GS kid can't pull a 50BMG bullet so decided to drill the case to get powder out. Dad wanders to the basement wondering what I'm doing. Opps! Dad designed all but one of the B29 electric motors when with GE. Was a souvenir from gun testing on frozen Lake Erie. It DISAPPEARED - the 50 BMG. I didn't get the oak flooring board to the rear - that time.
We did rubberband gun fights. Rocks? Nope, green persimmons. Much more accurate.