Random Humor

[Snakeoil]

Since joining I've read posts from members who have had setbacks, losses, health issues, etc. I thought that maybe a thread with random humor might help in some cases.

This one comes from a couple DJs that asked for nicknames for folks and the basis for the nickname. This one just cracked me up.

They had a guy at work with one leg shorter than the other. As a result, his head bobbed from side to side when he walked. They called him "sniper's nightmare".

 

[JonB]

Minnesotan's like to tell a good whopper once in a while ,,,but we don't hold a candle to the Texans

 

[RBHarter]

Nobody studies history. If the ad boys at Bud light had they'd have known that Trans World Airways, Pan American, and Trans Am didn't make make and they should have stuck with football and pitbulls......

Where does the stuff that falls off airplanes go ?
Seriously, can you imagine the guy calling his insurance company " yes I'm serious. There's a half dollar hole in the roof and a screwdriver stuck through the transmission sticking out of the floor."

 

[Snakeoil]

People actually drop tools out of airplanes??

Sure, I've seen tools fall of the back of pick-up trucks, normally along with a few empty beer cans. But I struggle to see an airliner going across the sky with an open toolbox on the wing that some mechanic left there by mistake. Or worse, a 5 gal bucket of paint.

 

[RBHarter]

Lots of tools fall in the bottom of a cowling . Nuts , bolts , screws , washers , I found a spark plug once .

 

[Mitty38]

Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: What does a girl from Columbus do if she's not in bed by 10pm? A: Go Home.

 

[Mitty38]

It’s statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun​

that’s why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here!

 

[Snakeoil]

What do they say about lawyers from West VA?

They lie thru their tooth.

 

[Farmerjim]

Lots of tools fall in the bottom of a cowling . Nuts , bolts , screws , washers , I found a spark plug once .

What about the blue ice that went through a roof.

 

[RBHarter]

The old leaking valve nobody wants to touch .......

 

[Glaciers]

Back in the Alaska Pipeline days Alaskans had a saying:
“Happiness is a Texan going home with a Okie under each arm”

 

[popper]

blue ice that went through a roof.
Normal disposal of used H2O but supposed to melt before hitting. Before EPA got involved, was just a valve to free air. Kinda like old train cars. You could see the tracks.

 

[Mitty38]

 

[richhodg66]

What has 300 legs and 16 teeth?

The front row of bleachers at any NASCAR event.

 

[Snakeoil]

What has 300 legs and 16 teeth?

The front row of bleachers at any NASCAR event.

I was going to say the NHL.

 

[Snakeoil]

What does an Arkansas divorce and a hurricane have in common?

Sooner or later, somebody's gonna lose a mobile home.

 

[Rick]

What does an Arkansas divorce and a hurricane have in common?

Sooner or later, somebody's gonna lose a mobile home.

 

[4060MAY]

couldn't help myself,

 

[richhodg66]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other; "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[popper]

Watched a show about where UK peole came from. Discovered an old skeleton and bones with 'teeth' marks on them. Decided the people were cannibals. BUT in upper west Europe (pre-history times), it was known they tossed dead bodies out from the cities to let animals stip off the meat, then collected the bones and saved in a large 'hut'. So much for Nat Geo stuff! And the Donner party existed on the remains of the dead.