Random Humor

Michael

Michael

Active Member. Uh/What
I used to use to draw smiley faces on my wife's toenails with black sharpie when she would fall asleep on the couch. Soon learned bright colored fingernail polish was a "safer" option. At least it came off and/or didn't bleed through whatever was put over it.
 
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Snakeoil

Snakeoil

Well-Known Member
Michael said:
I used to use to draw smiley faces on my wife's toenails with black sharpie when she would fall asleep on the couch. Soon learned bright colored fingernail polish was a "safer" option. At least it came off and/or didn't bleed through whatever was put over it.
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A friend of mine told a story about a guy that was part of his group when he was much younger. They were all farm kids and did a lot of drinking and partying. One night, one of them, and one of the more macho guys in the group, passed out. My friend got out the makeup ((I assume his mom's or girlfriend's) and did him all up with lipstick, big red circles on his cheeks, eye liner the whole 9 yards. Said he looked downright comical. Well, he did not wake up and the party died out and everyone went home. This guy finally wakes up and feels hung over so he heads to the local diner for something to eat and coffee. He walks in the diner and it's a late night crowd that just looks at him while he sits at the counter, all done-up. He ordered and then went to the men's room to pee. That's when he saw himself in the mirror. He never went back to the counter. Straight out the door and did not go back to that diner for a while. It kinda ruined his macho image.
 
R

richhodg66

Well-Known Member
I went to school at The Citadel, and my room mate and several buddies who were budding young alcoholics had a place they'd hang out on weekends. One had a friend who just graduated West Point about to report in to his first duty station at Fort Stewart and down for a visit who talked crap about how much better West Pointers could hold liquor than us lowly military college types, so he commenced to drinking with these guys not realizing they were the varsity drinking team preparing for the Olympics. Long story short, he passed out while the other guys were mildly buzzed, so they looked at each other asking "what to do?"

They shaved the guy's eye brows off, and he was a big, Italian guy with tanned face so it stood out more than it might have. He was pretty POed the next morning. I never did hear how his reporting in went.

Never be the first guy to fall asleep. Probably the most valuable lesson learned from Boy Scouts.
 
Snakeoil

Snakeoil

Well-Known Member
So Collin Murphy is playing cards with his mates and losing badly. They deal the next hand, he takes one look at his cards and his eyes roll back in his head and he falls out of his chair, DEAD. The others try to revive him but they realize it's no use.

So, now they start to panic.

"Somebody's got to tell his wife. Who's gonna do it?"
"Not me, she caught him gambling once before and there was hell to pay"
"Well somebody's gotta tell her"

With that, Sean McSweeney says, "I'll tell'er."

But the others are not convinced he's the man for the job.

"She's a mean one, Sean. You can't let on that he was playin' cards with us. She'll throw a fit and come after us. You need to be discrete."

"Who do you think you're talking to. I'm discrete. I'm the model of discrete. Don't you worry about a thing. I'll handle this with finesse."

So, Sean knocks on Mr. Murphy's door and she answers.

"Hello, Sean, what brings you here today?"

Hello Mrs. Murphy. I just dropped by to tell you that your husband was playing cards with us today, and lost ton of money in the game."

"Why that dirty bah-stard. I told him no more playing cards. You can tell him I said for him to drop dead!"

"Will do."
 
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Michael

Michael

Active Member. Uh/What
Mr Murphy is the local handyman. Things had been a bit slow for a few weeks so he heads out trying to drum up some work.
After an hour or so of knocking on doors he finds himself at the McSweeney's, he asks the Mrs if there is any work he could do for them. She tells him yes, the porch needs to be painted.

A couple of hours later Mr. Murphy knocks on the door and Mrs McSweeney answers. Mr Murphy informs her that he is finished painting and it is actually a BMW.
 
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